Jackson County Legislature deadlocked on where to order in lunch

With a slew of massive county decisions and initiatives still facing them in 2024, the Jackson County Legislature recently announced it was handcuffed by a more pressing matter - lunch orders for 2025.

“Look, we’ve spent hours on this in closed session, had one-on-ones with the County Executive and his team and have talked this matter to death, but frankly we’re gridlocked on this one,” 1st District Legislator Jayden Williams announced after a recent session.

According to recent meeting transcripts and emails obtained through Missouri’s Sunshine Law, the great lunch debate started in mid-October when Legislator Megyn Pearsall announced she was “sick and tired” of having lunch catered in from Planet Sub.

“They just can’t get it right,” Pearsall told her county colleagues. “Cream cheese on my Turkey Club? It’s just outrageous.”

County Executive Fred Willis attempted to interject into the conversation, only to be shouted down by his legislators.

“Folks, we’ve spent 10 weeks wrangling with this topic,” Willis said among screams to ‘go order a salad’ and ‘hey, shouldn’t you be heading to the early bird special?’ “When I asked everyone to consider switching up our weekly lunch order, I had no idea we would see county government operations screech to a complete halt.”

A late November vote among the Legislators revealed monumental divides in lunch preferences as two officials suggested Subway, a third wanted an on-site sushi bar and yet another asked if his colleagues would consider possibly leaving the building for lunch.

“Hey, there’s still an Applebee’s open in Blue Springs,” 3rd District’s Shawn Franklin announced. “Have you seen this ‘all you can eat’ boneless wings thing? We’re basically losing money if we don’t go.”

Brenda Lawler, Willis’ executive assistant, told the legislators recently that the county charter mandates they make a decision by midnight on Dec. 31 or they will lose all lunches for the coming year.

“I’m going to tell you the same thing I tell my kids,” Lawler said after an early December meeting. “There are elected county officials all over this country that don’t get to just eat whatever they want for lunch. It’s a privilege.”

Melissa Lauber, 4th District at Large, offered a different solution to the quandary - rotating potluck meals.

“I can do lasagna right after the New Year break, Mark can bring his smoked ribs. Guys, we can figure this out,” Lauber pleaded. “The residents of Jackson County rely on us to make the tough decisions. We owe this to them.”

As of last week, Willis continued to threaten a suspension of lunch altogether if his selection - the second floor vending machine - wasn’t considered.

“Man, they just restocked that thing with Cup o’ Noodles, ramen, ham and cheese sandwiches and even some golden delicious apples,” Willis noted.